Virgin Still A Virgin, NY Times Reports

Have YOU been on MSNBC?
"If only I had undergone a radical, world-warping transformation of my psyche in the public eye, and dropped out of college to pursue my dream as a foreign correspondent," you say, as you nervously wrap your finger around your soft, curly locks. "If people noticed that I told off the conservative media while getting bylines in the Atlantic before I turned 18—Vice! Why didn't I write for Vice that one time! Surely I would have lost my virginity by now—it'd even be on my Wikipedia page!" Ah, but the Gods of Coitus* are fickle! All of the above happened to Jonathan Krohn, but as the Times cannot resist to note, there is one accomplishment that continues to elude the reformed GOP treehouse propagandist.

Krohn, the autodidact-turned-demagogue who got famous for elucidating Republican values as only a 13-year-old can, has been busy since he realized that he was "naïve" way back in, uh, 2009. He's written many decent things! He's dropping out of NYU so he can work as a journalist in Iraq! But the bros cracking the lukewarm Nattys in the Daily Caller's office can still reliably mock him for, you know, not getting laid.

In the midst of all the upheaval in his life, the one thing that has remained constant (“unfortunately,” he said) is his virginity. Interests like comic books and “Star Trek” aren’t exactly chick magnets (he recently tweeted about the “pre-anniversary of the Vulcans making first contact with Humans in 2063!”). Nor does it help that Mr. Krohn himself has written about his sexual status more than once.

Nor does it help that it's repeated in the Paper of Record (or does it?)

*The Gods of Coitus are also just two sugar gliders wearing these weird sequined harnesses. They are not to be trusted.